Modern Mature Masculinity: The (3 M) gospel

30 May


By Wanjala Wafula

At a community meeting with the dreaded Maasai initiates at Kitengela town on the outskirts of Nairobi City in Kenya recently, a nascent eighteen year old Moran asked a question that I attempt to answer in this piece. Ole Kisha wondered aloud about what it really is to be a modern Macho man. “We have spent the last six months being taught how to be men so what is it according to you that makes me a modern man? After a brief reflection, I decided to share what I consider to be the qualities of a modern Macho man.

A modern man cleans up after himself and in the process he cleans up the planet making it spotless for all to dwell. He is a role model for young men and prepares them to respect all people irrespective of their gender. He is an individual whose life does not find meaning in agonizing and abusing others. He is thoroughly candid and sternly buoyant. He holds himself answerable to all the actions and deeds he engages himself in and he recognizes what he feels. He knows how to weep and he lets it go without taking it out on others. He understands that it’s okay to be annoyed without victimizing others. He knows how to fright and how to keep moving on irrespective of what society thinks of him. He seeks self-mastery and admonishes customs and practices that enhance gender disparity resulting in violence against women and girls.

He’s let go of childish disgrace and feels culpable when he’s done something wrong. He is ready to apologize and plead never to repeat the same. He seeks counsel from the wise and shuns bigotry and masculinity characterized by unjustified sense of archaic entitlements typified by violence. He is kind to men, compassionate to women and kind to children. He teaches others how to be kind and he’s regretful when his socialization process drives him towards violence against women, children and his fellow men.

A modern macho man is one who has stopped blaming women or his parents or men for his pain years before. He is one who has stopped letting his ramparts ruin his relationships with both women and the men. I will be plain here and affirm that a modern macho man is one who had stopped letting his penis run his life resulting in the current sexual violence sometimes culminating in rape. He is one that sees rape against any women and girl as one that is done against his mother, sister, aunt, daughter or son.
He has adequate self reverence to tell the truth and generates closeness and belief with his actions. He does not go with the current but like a candle in the wind he stands steadfast for justice, fairness and equity. He supports the education of his sisters and daughters and beliefs in a world where everybody is justified to self fulfillment and actualization. He is one who has men and women that he trusts and that he turns to for support and only seeks advice of those who live in the modern world typified by opportunities for all. He is a man who knows how to roll with the times and strategically identifies how to make things happen. He is regimented when he needs to be and bendable when circumstances demand

He knows how to listen from the nucleus of his mortal and lets others have their say without prejudice and mayhem. He’s not afraid to get unclean and takes care of chores that traditions and customs prepared him not to. He’s ready to deal with his own confines and has high expectations for himself and for those he connects with. He believes in being a member of a global family and not bound by the limitations of his proximity and circumstances. He seeks to be different and he is not afraid of being a pioneer of what he accepts as being true

He looks for ways to serve others and knows he is an individual. He knows that we are all one. He knows he is a mammal and a part of the universal scenery. He knows his resilience and his bond to something greater than the whole universe put together. He knows that the future generations are watching his actions and plays a part in building communities where people are respected and valued. He takes responsibility for himself and is also willing to be his sisters and brother’s keeper.

A modern macho man knows his higher purpose and loves with intensity. He knows that his strength is in loving and not in hurting. He has time to let himself soar away with the wind and laughs plentifully because he gets the gag. This is what I call Modern Mature Masculinity – a (3 M) gospel that I have been preaching for years and one that I have decided to spent the rest of my life preaching. It is the redefinition of masculinity for the 21st century and one that will make the world a better and safe place for all of us. It is a gospel that gives back to society and one that benefits us all. I know that by no means is this list complete and I welcome all modern mature men to come and add their gifts to this world by being apostles of this gospel.

The writer is a Founder / Director of The Coexist Initiative, a not for profit synergy of men and boys community-based organizations committed to eliminating all forms of Gender based violence in Kenya. Visit or email facebook-wanjala Wafula- skype:coexist.initiative. Tel: +254712653322



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