Down memory lane-Journey of a pro-feminist

31 Mar


Down memory lane


The journey of a pro-feminist

By Wanjala Wafula


Twelve years ago, I took the unprecedented decision to quit active journalism and start a journey into the then unfamiliar territory. I had written too many news items and hosted numerous talk shows about gender based violence. I had participated in sending out appeals and helped too many victims seek redress to no avail. The screams that punctuated my childhood had become louder and my conscience was too beset to remain still. Memories of the torture I had witnessed victims including my mother and sister go through had taken over my then enduring desire to be an author of international repute. I left it all for a mission I discerned needed an insider to accomplish. At the time it appeared bizarre, if not absolutely weird, to envisage that men not only oughtto but might play a key role in ending men’s violence against women and their fellow men.


If it were a malady, we could easily call it a pandemic. If it were an oil leak, we’d identify it as a catastrophe. If it was an economic meltdown it would be a presidential election pledge. But it is happening to women and even men, and it’s just an everyday affair being treated with all the casualness. It is called gender based violence and it manifests itself in numerous forms and cuts across all social, academic, economic, racial and linguistic demographics. It is rape at home and on dates. It is the beating or the blow that one out of four African women receives in her lifetime. It is the perennial sexual harassment at work and sexual abuse of the young and old. It is murder that is swiftly swept under the carpet or the depravity that women and other minority groups face. It is founded on masculine constructions and guarded by rigid and obsolete cultures and traditions.


Today, what started out as a “fanatical” idea and only supported by two of my former university friends has spread to all corners of the country and established links across the world. The over ten thousand men and boys membership is a testimony that men, who for generations were seen as the part of the problem can become part of the solution.  Over the years, I have seen men who were erroneously socialized to ill-treat women wail in regret. I have seen them wear T-shirts condemning violence, I have seen them put up a poster or banner. I have witnessed them sign the constant Coexist Initiative pledges. I see them sacrifice heavily to take their daughters to school.  I witness them queue at family planning clinics and I have counseled them as they take the all important HIV test. I respond to their calls during my constant media appearances. I shake hands with thousands of them at our ceremonies, marches, services, and meetings. Their smiles and the embrace of their spouses tell it all.


Tackling men’s violence as men is not easy. We have been labeled sisys and cowards by men and called the “unreal” by women. One media channel literally labeled one of our meetings as an “assembly of battered men meeting in town”. The funding for our programs has been minimal. We have had to dispose some of our personal belongings to fund our small programs and the financial strain has sometimes been overwhelming. We have undergone public scorn and ridicule yet the result of our work continues to better the lives of women, girls, men and boys.  Tackling men’s violence requires nothing less than a dedication to full parity for women and a redefinition of what it means to be men. It has to be a premeditated endeavor to determine a meaning to manhood that doesn’t entail aggression and violence. We believe manhood is for complimenting and not confronting.


The Coexist Initiative has broadened fast because of the remarkable outcome of the women’s movement around Africa. It has spread because most men don’t use violence in their relationships and are lastly ending our long stillness. The Coexist has spread because from the commencement; we determined that that our campaign should be like no other. We decided that the Initiative would be a politically non-partisan effort that unites men across the political, religious, and social continuum. We initiated an endeavor that is entirely decentralized because we recognize that women and men know best how to reach the men and boys in our own communities, workplaces, schools, places of worship, and nations. An Initiative that aimed to be totally mainstream and, by working alongside women, to shift the everyday ideas shared by men.


Even as we continue our work around men and boys, it is the reality that bold women around the world continue to articulate out and confront archaic customs and the power formations that have conserved them. It is the reality these women are finally being joined by men and, together, are making a genuine difference. But we should not forget that millions of women are physically and sexually abused each day, women are murdered by boyfriends and husbands each week, women and girls are trafficked into prostitution, women are sexually harassed in workplaces and on the street, and too many of our sisters and mothers, daughters, wives, and friends are still living in fear. Let’s not forget that the girl child cannot access education and that women do not still have land and other property rights in many parts of the world. Let’s not forget that HIV and AIDS still have an African woman’s face and that men are paying an equally greater price as a result of negative masculinity.


As the pro-feminist takes his leave, I plead with all men and boys to undertake, that all men affirm, not to commit, disregard or remain quiet about aggression against women. It has been the longest march and combat, the primary scourge and the prime adversity. Yet with power and love, we at the Coexist Initiative obligate ourselves to work alongside women to bring this violence to an end.


Please visit and support our work.

The writer is a Programs Director of The Coexist Initiative, a not for profit synergy of men and boys community-based organizations committed to eliminating all forms of Gender based violence, foster HIV prevention and champion the rights of minority groups  in Kenya. Visit or email facebook-wanjala Wafula- skype:coexist.initiative. Tel: +254712653322



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